The Gift

I never thought I would receive such a wonderful gift at such a tragic time.

I have always felt so tiny so beaten down so scared.

In the past 2 days I have gained so much, perhaps though it had all started in November of 1997.

My mother in law of 3 months found herself facing death. The doctors gave her months to live before the cancer would have gotten the best of her. They were wrong.

Caryl trained herself for battle and fought proudly and without regret. She won battle after battle for over 6 years. She parlayed 6 months into more than 6 life affirming years.

In that time, she became a grandmother of two, traveled the world, created her dream home, and had the privilege of having life sharply tuned and refocused onto only that which is truly important. There was no clutter. Relationships were formed and forged. You were with her or not. Though, it seemed everyone was with her. I should be so lucky to have such numerous friends and family rallying behind me unwavering to the very bitter end.

But in her last days, she showed me such incredible courage and dare I say stubbornness, in facing the inevitable. I no longer feel such unreasonable cowardice of the end. I am not sad in the way that I am used to. It was already above and beyond, the gift of time that she had given all of us including her weekly play dates with Perry. She gave me the opportunity to tell her how much she mattered to me, to tell her how wonderful she was with the kids, to thank her.

My only comfort is in knowing she fought so successfully for so long. She lived more in 6 years than many live in a lifetime. It was not a slow death but a fast life.

She gave me beauty and hope, frivolity and fun, imagination and love. Her bravery, tenacity, and spirit have given me a blueprint to a life worth living.

I miss her.

- Ella